Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
