I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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