Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
