You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
