When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
