The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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