It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
