this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
