remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want a musical about memes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
