I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
