fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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