Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
