walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
