we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
