Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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