You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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