fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
