maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
