New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
