Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
