If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
