it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
