fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
