You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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