I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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