You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
pray to the hookup gods
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
