ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
