I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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