i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
