I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
