I smell stomach acid.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and she was petting her beer can
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
