i think i scared a bird with my dick
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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