He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
And then he peed in my hair
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