woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
