I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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