This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
