dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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