He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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