omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
