You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My feet surprised me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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