I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
