I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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