Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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