And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
