I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
