Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
