Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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