So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
