VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
