I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
