Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
