It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
