She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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