Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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