My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
