Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
