he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
