I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
